Champagne on the Darkside of the Moon

I couldn’t resist staring into the perpetual night sky.
Resting under the tree of knowledge, I feel so alone.
I contemplate just who am I, living right or dying wrong?
What’s the weight of my accomplishments?
My mind conflicted with the who’s and whys.
If time is God given, what do I get if I just want to split?
The mirror is no longer black and white, which of the reflection is true
So much on the line, from you I can’t hide
The pain you see in my eyes.
How many worn smiles do I still have stashed?
Just how much of me is still left from a broken past?

This life of mental woes and sickness;
I vomit the shells of the bullets I’ve had to bite
Is heaven truly what the churches advertise? Is hell the reflection of what’s inside?
Living hurts so why not attempt suicide?
I’m not swayed by the consequence or shame
Just the will to survive
Contradictory mindset
The snake and I speak parseltongue,
I swallow the truth in his lies
No Eve, no fruit, just him and I
As we sip champagne on the darkest side of the moon of this barren Eden.

©Amir Hollis

Lunar Petal 11: Dead Leaves

Why do I… love

Why do I think of suicide…? A Raven that wants to be a dove

Steady trying to maintain,

I’m drowning in my tears

While repetitively doing the same things,

I’m bending from our fears

No one can fathom the pain, of constantly fighting with my own brain

It’s agonizing to love when you feel so damn lonely,

I’m tortured by the devil in the mirror,

Every day he grows a little clearer,

My sanity, I’m trying not to let it go, I feel so damn helpless

Lost in this world, trapped in this maze, misplaced in this labyrinth, my head is filled with a haze,

You were the light I needed for better days,

Why you had to be selfish

You told me you were down and I just let it slip by

I’m so damn weak, I hate that you had to leave,

Just how much were you holding on the inside

The white lies of telling me you were alright

I wore my heart on my sleeve,

But you wore the scars underneath

You knew I was stressed but it was you losing the battling with depression

I should never have left you by yourself

Maybe then I could have help with your mental health,

I hope you in heaven behaving yourself

It’s still so much I wanted to say to you

I really wish I knew just what you were going through

I still wish that phone call wasn’t the truth

I miss dancing in your moonlight

All alone

I sit under a moonless sky

Just call my phone

I just want to hear you say it going to be alight

Now, these memories serve as dead leaves dancing in the wind of my window at night.

Dead Leaves.

-National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255-